To this very day do I remember her as if it was yesterday. We went to John Muir in the 8th grade. It was only halfway into the school year that I started to branch out and become less antisocial and more outward into the world. I was talking to my friends Kevin and Omar when all of a sudden, a young woman joins in on our conversation. It was amazing to see that her and I had so much in common. The way we joke, the way we feel towards a certain subjects, and so on. So I asked what her name was and she replied in a kind tone “My name is Dorice, but people call me D”. Now knowing her name, I started to hang out with her and her friends trying to get her attention or to notice me with a more deep feeling. She of course, probably didn’t notice me since she seemed to be looking the other way all the time.
It was more toward the end of the year when I had stronger feelings about her. I was so close to asking her out but just as I was about to say it, everyone drew their attention towards me, as if they were reading or have already read my mind. Knowing I was being watched, I decided to back down from such a humiliating situation and abandoned the question. But we remained friends the rest of the school year.
Over that summer, I regretted the fact that I had not asked her for her phone number or at least offer mine to her. Being at times lonely, I ended up playing RuneScape to pass the time. That was so far the only time I had wanted to get back to school with such anticipation to see her again. Finally, freshman year started and there yields another chance to ask her out. Sadly, she had apparently got a boyfriend over the summer. So I was further cast back into loneliness knowing that she was person I couldn’t be with.
We still remained friends as the school year passed by. I believe getting closer to one another in our improving friendship. Then a window from her computer showed the sign that I was looking for...Runescape! Shockingly, she also played Runescape in her pastime. Of course asking for her account name was far easier than asking for her phone number, so we became more social over Runescape.
Then a tragic part halted our talking over the internet and in school. Her boyfriend had broke up with her, I guess leaving her in a state of sadness and loneliness as I was. I tried to comfort her during her time of need, knowing that she needed me. Over that time, we had grown very close to one another being more open about our thoughts and feelings. After a month or so, I finally got the courage to ask her out. The answer was very painful to my heart. She had said that she wanted us to be “just friends”...No more, no less.
At first, I had steered clear of any contact of her, thinking it would be better that we didn’t see each other for a while. Eventually getting over that event, I started to hang out with her again, still reluctant about talking to her about that day. Then the most surprising thing happened, she said that she had thought about it and decided that her and I could try to be in a relationship. That was the happiest day of my life so far. I was always talking to her, trying to be good boyfriend to her. Then I brought up the question, “I we break up in the future...can we still be friends?”. She said that I was being silly and that we will be friends if that so happens. I was so grateful to hear that we could still be friends if things turned for the worse.
One of the winter dances was coming up so I had asked if she was able to come with me. She was delighted to come so we were picked up by her mom to go to the dance. That dance was one of the best dances I had went to that year. Everybody was dancing and partying to the music. Afterwards, we said that we would see each other the next day of school. That day we were hanging out after school when we first made out. It was very nerve-racking, but very good. I still dream about this moment when I’m alone.
I guess after a while, we kind of got more distant because of her track practice and my homework. Our time together was getting cut shorter and shorter when finally we hardly talked at all. I figured if we went to a movie that maybe we would have more time with one another. Then, I thought we could be a happier couple. Then those dreaded words had drifted into my ears...
At first I thought her tone with me was just because she was tired, only to find out that something was wrong. So I asked,” Is there anything wrong Dorice?” followed by a long silence. She said with a cold voice,” I had talked to my parents and I want to break up with you”. I was shocked to hear such disastrous words that I had forgot was going to happen eventually. It was like a searing blade being twisted into my heart. Trying to hide emotions, I said “okay” and started to walk away. Before leaving completely, I Felt the need to know what I did wrong, I asked her why. She gave me such a general statement that I couldn’t understand what I did.
For the first few days, I was wondering what I did wrong to make her question me and my thoughts for her. Only to beg her to please tell me what I did wrong so I could move on. She had given me the same answer, leaving in a state of confusion and depression for at least the rest of the freshman year. While at the same time being tormented by the fact that the promise of us still being friends was burned away.
To this day I still try to be friendly with her, but she gives me a glare and that ends any conversation I try to make. What is worse is that fact I loss a person I held deep feelings for as well as a good friend. I still have hope that in time, these problems will be resolved as well as our friendship. I don’t know if I can actually believe in true love or any real affection for anyone, since people are bound to change, for better or worse. Though I had lost all deep emotions for her... I still remember her as a cheerful person I met in 8th grade.
